Life: In Three Parts

Part One
You never actually knew me.

Part Two
Even after reading Part One, you still think you actually DID know me.

Part Three
Nobody ever actually knows anybody else, and sometimes not even themselves.


Boys and their Toys

Bubs received some motorized train toys for Christmas this year, well…last year technically. At first he only really liked to play with them minus batteries, but he’s comfortable with their intended function now. He likes to turn the trains on and off, and set them in various directions in various places throughout the house. He also enjoys watching them on the track that came with little Thomas, though he can get frustrated when they derail.

Anyway…I was watching this activity the other day, whilst in a particularly existentially-angsty mood, and it occurred to me that this child’s toy was a fairly resonant metaphor for life.

Someone carefully designs and builds you, and sends you out into the world. You’ll go around the track for awhile. Sometimes you’ll be derailed, sometimes you’ll get stuck and need a push from another engine. Sometimes your batteries will run down and need to be recharged/replaced. Then, one day, whether you’re on the track or not; whether your batteries have just been replaced and your paint has been touched up, and you spent the weekend resting in the depot, your motor will just stop. And people can cry and toddlers can beg for “barries” and parents can look for a replacement, but none of these efforts will ever move you around that track again.

Let’s Do The Time Warp…Again

When people in my life are upset with me, they cut me off. They just one day up and completely stop all contact. No explanation. No matter the means I choose or the quantity I use those means, they stubbornly avoid me. And I’m talking about people who have never met each other, or who aren’t very close…I may be the only common link.

Is it something in my personality? One ridiculous coincidence? Was there a mailing sent out?

And then one day, out of the blue…BAM! Like no time passed, and please don’t discuss the time warp. I rarely ever discover the reasoning behind the freeze-out.
Does this happen to anyone else?
No wonder I suffer from anxiety and paranoia…

Post-Birthday Post

Two days ago was my twenty-ninth birthday.

When buying birthday cards for other people, I try to avoid the kind that rely on over-the-hill gags or jokes about candles setting off smoke alarms. It occurs to me that getting older should be celebrated and not ridiculed. Why does our society so value youth? With age comes wisdom, generally, and confidence. The capacity to be comfortable with who you are, acceptance of those things in life that you cannot change. Isn’t that why we throw birthday parties in the first place? To celebrate life?

And what does that mean, to be alive?

I am so grateful for everything that Creator has blessed me with in this lifetime. I have a wonderfully gentle and loving husband, who tells me regularly how much he loves and appreciates me. I have my Bubs, who by all circumstances almost did not survive to be the adorable little center of my Universe. I am fortunate enough to be able to stay home with my son, and give him all the attention that he deserves. There is a lot of love in the three-generational family we have built in this (small) home. I am healthy. I can run and jump and play and dance and laugh with my son. I can hear. I can see.

I live in a comfortable home in a relatively safe town in a beautiful country, where I can freely take my son to any of a selection of clean and safe parks. We have plentiful access to a variety of fresh and nutritious foods, and to clean drinking water. With the flip of a switch, we have electrical power that very rarely goes out and is reasonably priced. I have a personal computer with access to reliable, wireless internet twenty-four hours a day.

I can have a hot shower in complete privacy any time it strikes my fancy.

I can read. I can write and spell and I do not have any learning disorders. I am female, but I live in a country where I can attend university and hold any job that I am qualified for. I have access to birth control and I can have an abortion if I choose. I pay taxes that cover hospital visits and vaccinations for my son and there are a hospital, a clinic and a public health office in walking distance from my home. I can afford any prescriptions that I may require.

I am fortunate to meet the current patriarchal standards of beauty.

I am grateful for my wonderful support network of friends and family that stretches the length of this great country, and that they, too, have access to all the things that I have mentioned above.

Life is good. We should all be thankful every moment of every day, for we never know when that moment is our last.

And now…ice-cream cake. I’m thankful for that too.